Kayani
She was left breathless, heavy as if the world she had braved and grown to accept deteriorated into a fine porous dust that slipped violently through her fingers. Her reality became almost surreal at that moment. Speechless yet screaming. As if all people around her moved methodically slow, caught in a replaying still, that continued timelessly until it was stopped on demand. Stopped by a remote that she, unfortunately, did not have, nor would she ever control. Her mouth was parched, eyes tepidly were swollen, as her arms and fingers rang with a familiar weakness. Her shame and worthlessness began to choke her as she questioned the triviality of her existence. She glanced around, being sure to not be seen, and quickly repositioned her hijab, checking twice to ensure her neck and hair were covered.
Kayani Afshin quickened her pace as the smoggy heat of the Isfahan sun entered her lungs. Tirelessly shifting her cloth baåg of vegetables from one shoulder to the other whenever it became too heavy for carrying on one side. She could feel the wet sensation of her long clothes sticking to her body as the sweat graciously flowed from her pores onto her skin. Kayani, startled, stopped for a moment as a flash of her assailant blinded her eyes, forcing her to relive the nightmare. The alcohol-tinted breath that repulsed her remained in her mind, along with his brittle hands, his aggressive, uncontrollable panting. Her uncontrollable shivering morphed into a wave of excruciating nausea. She closed her eyes and placed a palm on her stomach, and, with the other, tersely wiped away the tears that streamed down her face.
It had been 3 months, yet the plague continued. It continued in her belly and grew into a misfortune greater than anything she could stomach or had the courage for. How can this be happening to me? Kayani’s delicate hands opened the front door to her home. She placed the sack of groceries on the enclosed carpeted floor. She walked past the small living room quarters to the sink in the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water.
She could no longer hide it. Her belly began to show, and her breasts had grown heavy.
Kayani stood in front of the doorway, waiting unexpectedly for her father to arrive home. She had imagined so many ways to get rid of the vermin seed that grew inside her. Natural herbal remedies, praying 4 times a day yet to no avail, Kayani’s prayers to Allah had been left unanswered. She would suffer for a crime that she did not commit, a crime committed against her. I am sure father will be understanding.
Safwan Afshin sauntered towards the entrance of his mud home. He reached to open the door, walked in, and adjusted his round spectacles, simultaneously reading a passage from the Quran. He glanced up and noticed Kayani standing a bit further from the entrance, sighed, and then looked back down at the holy book he held in his palm. His curled hair shined as oil glimmered from its surface, his robe, white, and slippers kept neat, hardly even dirty. Safwan walked past his daughter into the small narrow living area, sat down, cross-legged on the floor, and continued his reading.
Kayani’s mother, Sakmani Afshin, had gone by unnoticed as she sat above the two on the steps near the bedrooms on the second floor. Engaged and observed the interaction between her daughter and husband.
Kayani timidly greeted her father as he sat on a cushion. As-Salaam-Alaikum; Wa-Alaikum-Salaam. Kayani then crouched down to her knees before her father.
“Papa. Papa.” Kayani fearfully choked. Her body grew numb. “Please, please forgive me. Allah, please forgive me. Papa, there was a man. A few months ago, he forced himself upon me. I beg you, Papa. Please. I am pregnant. I do not know what to do. Help me, please?”
Kayani’s mother abruptly stood up from her position on the stairs and placed both her hands over her mouth. The shock crept down along the raised hairs of her forearms. She was unable to speak, unable to move. How could I have not known?
Safwan Afshin looked up at his daughter in loathing disgust, took off his glasses, and placed the Quran to his side. A merciless rage engulfed his lungs. A fervent hatred blinded his emotions.
“You are a disgrace to me. How could you do this, Kayani?” He cried.
He aggressively streamed towards where Kayani kneeled and hit her forcefully with the back of his hand, pushing her to the ground.
“You are no longer of any use to me. Worthless. Nothing. Pack your things. You will leave. At once!” Spat her father.
Sakmani Afshin inaudibly wept for her daughter on the steps above as she looked down at the two below in utter disbelief. How could I have failed her like this? Oh Allah, what have I done to deserve this?
Kayani looked up at her father and nodded her head in obedience. Stunned by how her father now so quickly rejected her.
